The Great Alaskan Adventure

A steady blog this time?

2011-05-10T10:54:00.002-08:00

I'm moving my blog. Yes, again. But this time, I'm making it for keeps. No more one blog for one adventure for one year and then back and forth again. Nope. You can update your bookmarks and this time, keep them there. My new blog is called Goat Milk and Cookies, and is located at quinoacake.blogspot.com. And yes, there are stories to both of those strange food combinations.

I've discovered that I really don't know when I'll be in one place for more than one or two years. Honestly, at this point, it doesn't seem extremely likely in the next five years or so, and I felt like I just kept jumping around blog-wise. I'll keep jumping around in reality, but you'll be able to find all my adventures on my new blog.

-Bethy

Toksook Bay

2011-03-21T16:28:00.002-08:00

I'm in Toksook Bay today (through Wednesday) for work. I am here with my coworker Virginia, who is from here, and that makes the village trip so completely awesome. It's hard to come into a community and try to help people when you have absolutely no legitimacy at all, but seriously, having someone who is from the community vouch for you makes all the difference. That, and it's fun to have snowmachine rides with someone you know, and a mother who is making dinner tonight. :) Virg took me on a little ride to the ocean today - I guess technically, it's the Bering Sea, and I snowmachined on the Bering Sea!!!

Toksook also has three windmills that stand up on the bluffs just overlooking the water, and they're really beautiful from the sea. And as pretty as it is now, it's still all white and snowy - I bet it's fabulous during the summer, when it's open blue water and open blue sky.

I guess I'll have to come back :)

More updates on Toksook later -

Love, Bethy

Stand up.

2011-02-25T16:03:00.002-09:00

I'm furious.

I'm furious and I am not sure what to do about it.

I rarely blog about political things because I find I'm either preaching to the choir or picking a fight. I know that I have friends who disagree with my liberal leanings, and I'm ok with still being their friend. I wouldn't want everyone to agree with me all the time - that would make life pretty damn boring. And, honestly, before now, I haven't felt that extremely affected by political bullshit going down in DC. I have been functioning just like most Americans - only paying attention to things that will impact me right NOW.

Well, you got it. There's something impacting me. ME. RIGHT NOW.

I am an American citizen with no health insurance, and a pre-existing condition that prohibits me from getting coverage with most providers. I have a job. I pay my taxes. I love my country and I recognize that sometimes people can't pay doctor's prices for essential services like pap smears, breast exams, STD tests.

I stand with Planned Parenthood because even with a job, I need help paying for medical expenses.

Abortion has nothing to do with my argument. If those on the other side of this feel that people who would go into Planned Parenthood for an abortion shouldn't be able to, what would they say to me? I'm not going in for an abortion. I and other low income and/or uninsured Americans are going in for condoms, or for a pap smears, for birth control pills, or for information on STDs, for breast exams, or for prenatal care. Where would you have us go?

As an American, as a woman, as someone who would never block access to cancer screenings to ANYONE, regardless of age, sex, race or political leanings, I stand with Planned Parenthood.

Will you stand with me?

-Bethy

I can do pictures now!!

2011-01-21T11:01:00.004-09:00

So, I'm learning about how to post pictures to this blog. Yes, I know, I should have been doing this for AGES, but there are some things that I've just never messed around with. So, I'm going to be uploading some completely random pictures here.

This one is Chris and me at Chelsea's going away party. As a team, we identified the most kinds of booze in unmarked jars, and we won the two worms in the bottom of a bottle of tequila. I thought it would be gross, but it was even worse than I imagined. Of course, that's because I freaked out and bit down once the worm was in my mouth. Gross.

The promotional picture for Swan Court String Band's concert in December. Kevin described to us, over email, that he "altered the picture and cut everyone's head off". No lie, I was kind of worried...but I think it turned out great! It puts the focus on the instruments anyway, which is what we wanted since Lisa's turned away from the camera, and we all had funny looks on our faces.

Ok, enough playing with this for now. Hopefully this means that when I'm at my own computer and I want to post some pictures it'll be easier. Also...

HOLLA AT JOHN WALLACE!

-Bethy

Sun Rising

2010-12-14T11:00:00.002-09:00

(the title of this blog is in reference to and in appreciation of my friend Scott Donovan and his blog Redbird Rising that tells his adventures as a second year JV in Pheonix. If you want to feel a little better that someone is helping the wounds of the world heal, read his blog. Then, send him a postcard or something fun because he makes no money doing this...)

So, sun rising. I looked out the window just about 10 minutes ago and saw the sun rising. I am fortunate enough to have a window seat in my office, and though I'm not staring out the window every second, when I'm looking at my computer screen, what's going on outside is visible at all times through the wonder that is peripheral vision. Pretty much every day for the last few weeks, I have taken a minute or two when the sun is set to rise to just look at it, to see the snow glistening, to take a few pictures of the ball of orange come up over by the radio tower, then the shop, then City sub as the sun has moved where it rises in preparation for the solstice.

I'll be at home for the shortest day of the year, which makes me a little sad. It seems like an overly sappy theological comparison, but I like to see the darkest day turn into the day after, that no matter how bad, is, by comparison, a little lighter. I guess I think of it as a little Dark Night of the Soul business.

And up here, it's dark. Today, official sunrise was 10:50am, sunset 4:30pm. 5 hours, 40 minutes of day.

It's also -25 degree windchill, which is the topic for another day. That is FINE if you are just walking from your house to your car, but the frostnip on my face has not been enjoying the walks to/from work. Tonight it's supposed to get a little colder, and tomorrow and Thursday are expected 20 to 35 below. Washington is going to feel absolutely tropic!

Speaking of, I'm excited to be home for a few weeks (just short of two), it'll be good to see friends and family, and eat all the Polish food I possibly can. YUM.

Love, Bethy

...and all of a sudden, it was December

2010-12-06T06:42:00.003-09:00

Where is the time going?

It honestly feels like I've just been back in Bethel for a month or two, and already, I'm starting to prepare to head home for Christmas. Month 4 is coming up, and winter is in full bore. 2011 is coming in less than a month, and my first semester classes at KuC (guitar, science fiction movie class and jumprope) are either ending soon or have already ended.

The Swan Court String Band performed at the Cultural Center on Saturday to an absolutely fantastic audience, and it was a blast! It was amazing feeling to do a whole show by ourselves. If nothing else, I think that sometimes I need a little reminder that I'm essentially a performer at heart, and the stage lights always remind me of that - every time.

It's cold this morning - with windchill, -22 degrees. It hasn't been that chilly recently, and honestly, I'm hoping that the cold will wait until I'm back in WA for Christmas. Haha. That's probably a completely unrealistic wish, but I will wish for it anyway.

I'm cooking and baking more, which I love, and making up recipes with whatever I can find. And I'm working on my guitar skills especially now that my class is over, and I want to keep working on fine tuning some of my violin skills. I think I'm ready to retrieve my copy of my Mendelssohn concerto when I'm home for Christmas, and start working on it again. I need to find that drive to perfect it that I had senior year of high school.

I find that as I grow older, I don't have the same push to be better at things. I tend to avoid things that I'm bad at instead of trying to get better at them. Maybe in 2011, I'll start working on that, haha.

Enough for now - work, then violin lesson, then dinner, then sleep. Sleep just isn't happening as much as it used to/should. Sometimes I miss it, but more than that, I'm just tired all the time, and I miss feeling rested. And it's doing bad things for my coffee addiction. :)

Love you all, see many of you in 3 weeks!!

Bethy

Amaze Me

2010-11-17T10:44:00.001-09:00

Amaze Me
by Ty Greenstein
(© 2001)

New Jersey born, yeah
The flat land of Nebraska
From Decatur, Georgia
To California

Let's dig up the map and
Let's leave while we're happy
I wanna see Tucson
Before it's all gone

Chorus:
Amaze me, America
Save me from armageddon, high road to heaven

Eight hours at the airport
Wanna hightail to Gulfport
Wanna sit on the back porch
And stare at the stars

From the chemical water
Of new york's dirty harbor
To the rock of gibraltar
At the end of the world

Chorus

Let's dive to Atlantis
Let's hear what they'd tell us
From the bottom of the ocean
I really want to know them

Chorus

Hallowizzle, Jersey Style...

2010-11-03T12:31:00.003-08:00

I had to.

Ok, I didn't have to, but...no, I had to.

Snooki appeared in Bethel for Halloween (actually halloween eve, but who's counting?)...

and the only thing that topped my 8 inch hair was my dark brown fake tan.

pictures soon.

Love, Bethy

This is exactly how I feel about DADT.

2010-10-25T08:24:00.005-08:00

(compliments of one of my favorite TV shows of all time...)

The West Wing - Let Bartlett be Bartlett

THE ROOSEVELT ROOM - NIGHT

MAJOR THOMPSON - Hang on!

SAM - I'm saying -

MAJOR THOMPSON - Hang on. A lot of those cases -

SAM - This report, by the way -

MAJOR TATE - We know the report.

SAM - I'm saying -

MAJOR TATE - We can read. We know the report.

MAJOR THOMPSON - We know the report. A lot of the cases you're talking about is the gays being discharged, came from voluntary statements-

SAM - And a lot of these are not voluntary statements, not by any definition given by any civilian court in this country. It is not a voluntary statement when it's given to a psychotherapist, as in the case of former Marine corporal David Blessing. It is not a voluntary statement when it's made into a personal diary, as in the case of former West Point cadet Nicole Garrison. It is not when it's made after being asked, as in the case of master chief officer Diane Kelli. And it is not when it is coerced out of a service member through fear...through intimidation, through death threats, in terms of criminal prosecution, as in the case of former Air Force Major Bob Kiddis, former Marine gunnery sergeant Kevin Keys, and four sailors aboard the U.S.S. Essex.

MAJOR - Sam, you take care of your guys; we'll take care of ours.

SAM - You're not taking care of your guys. Your guys are out looking for jobs.

MAJOR THOMPSON - Those weren't our guys.

Admiral Fitzwallace enters [Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff]

MAJOR TATE - Oh my God.

MAJOR THOMPSON - Attention!

The officers in the room swiftly stand straight.

FITZWALLACE - Good afternoon, Sam.

SAM - Mr. Chairman.

FITZWALLACE - Congressman.

KEN - How do you do admiral?

FITZWALLACE - Good to meet you again, Ken. [to Mike] We haven't met.

MIKE - Mike Satchel.

FITZWALLACE - From Oregon?

MIKE - Yes, sir.

FITZWALLACE - Percy Fitzwallace.

MIKE - It's an honor to meet you, admiral.

FITZWALLACE - I imagine it would be. Yes.

SAM - Uh, Major Tate, Major Thompson, this is Chairman Fitzwallace.

FITZWALLACE - They're not gonna speak to me until I speak to them, Sam. They're pretty well-trained. [to Tate and Thompson] Stand easy, fellas. [sees the snack on the table] Is this Danish for everybody?

SAM - Oh. Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE - [to Tate and Thompson] We're discussing gays in the military, huh?

MAJOR THOMPSON - Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE - What do you think?

No response.

FITZWALLACE - I said what do you think?

MAJOR THOMPSON - Sir, we're here to help the White House form a possible-

FITZWALLACE - I know. I'm asking you what you think.

MAJOR TATE - Sir, we're not prejudiced toward homosexuals.

FITZWALLACE - You just don't want to see them serving in the Armed Forces?

MAJOR TATE - No sir, I don't.

FITZWALLACE - 'Cause they oppose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion.

MAJOR TATE - Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE - That's what I think too. I also think the military wasn't designed to be an instrument of social change.

MAJOR TATE - Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE - The problem with that is that what they were saying to me 50 years ago. Blacks shouldn't serve with Whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I'm an admiral in the U.S. Navy and chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff...Beat that with a stick. [to Ken] We'll see you, Ken. [leaves]

freeze: to change from the liquid to the solid state by loss of heat.

2010-10-13T08:07:00.005-08:00

Things that are frozen:
puddles
small lakes
most of the tops of bigger lakes

Things that are not frozen (yet):
big lakes around the edges
slough
the river

Things that I'm hoping don't freeze at all:
our pipes
myself

Current Conditions:

Bethel, Alaska (Airport)

Updated: 5 min 26 sec ago

28 °F

Light Snow Mist

Windchill:	19 °F

Windchill:

19 °F

Sunrise: 9:23am
Sunset: 7:40am

Length of day: 10 hours 17 minutes

Step two is the hard part.

2010-09-28T09:17:00.001-08:00

There are some things that I’m holding on to. They’re not good things. They’re things that make me feel angry and bitter and confused, but perhaps because I cannot understand them, I seem to be unable to heal. I’m certainly able to run away from them though, and they’re following me. I shouldn’t be dreaming about these things – these people, but my subconscious keeps bringing them up. What I’m refusing to address during my waking hours, I’m forced to deal with in sleep. They’re not physically close to me, but I’m carrying them both on my back every second of every day.

And as much as I really want to blame this on those people, I know that it’s me that has to shake them off. It’s not my fault, but it IS my responsibility. I didn’t ask to get hurt, but that’s the way the cookie crumbled. I can’t say that I’ve never unintentionally (or intentionally, for that matter) hurt someone else. Whether they did it on purpose or not, it’s there. And it’s mine to deal with. Step one: own it. Step two: ……….aw fuck.

Bethy

my friends

2010-09-26T12:40:00.003-08:00

I have the best friends in the world.

The simple fact is that I think I must be the luckiest person in the entire world. The people who I love and surround myself with have shown me what it means to be kind, what it means to have fun, what it means to be human. The friendships I have made in Bethel, in Newark, in San Francisco, in Lacey - these people now live and work and love all over the world, and I know that I am cared for and surrounded by love where ever I am. I don't have a whole lot of tragedy in my life, but, in the event that it does strike, I know that I have someone to call, to cry to, to boost me up. And that is the most important thing of all.

Thank you to all my friends. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for understanding that I love you even though I'm at a point in my life where I have a hard time keeping any sort of constant communication open because I'm moving around so much. Thank you for meeting me that one time (at the restaurant, at the bar, at the Starbucks, at the airport, at the (fill in your own blank here)) because I didn't have enough time to spend more with you. Thank you, especially, those people who I haven't seen in years, or who a yearly meal at Christmas time is all I've seen you. Thank you to all of you who I haven't seen because you are off discovering the world in your own journey, and our paths just haven't crossed. Thank you to everyone who understands my erratic emails and facebook messages that just say "I love you and I miss you." It's the simplest way for me to express that I am so glad that you are in my life - even though you may be thousands of miles away. Thank you to everyone who has been there just to listen, even though you may not be able to do anything about the situation - you're doing the greatest thing ever just by listening.

I don't know where my adventures will take me. I do know that if I were to all of a sudden be independently wealthy, the first thing I would do would be to plan a road trip of the greats, and criss cross the United States, and take every single one of my friends out to the fanciest dinner they've ever eaten. (Not to fear, international friends, the second thing I would do is plan the international trip :)

So thank you again, for being there, for listening, for caring, for loving. This life is too short to not have the best of friends while you're living it. I'm lucky, because I do.

So, to all of you:

I love you. I miss you.

love, Bethy

The North Wind

2010-09-24T14:23:00.002-08:00

Last weekend, I was cavorting around in a tank top and running shorts, basking in the sun and devouring popsicles outside of AC after Ultimate frisbee.

Yesterday, we all recognized that fall was here - it was a chilly day, hardly making it above fifty degrees, though sunny and gorgeous outside. Some friends capitalized on the weather by having last cookout for the year. The north wind had started to blow, and we could feel the winter coming.

This morning, as I woke and dressed in the dark, I listened to the news and weather on the radio, and the low 30s ambient temperature combined with gusting winds up to almost 30mph pushed the windchill to 11 degrees.

Last weekend was summer, yesterday was fall. Today, it's winter.

***********************************
Aside from the weather, I'm performing at the Bethel Art Guild's Steel Salmon auction this weekend with my band. (We still need a name). There's four of us, and we're playing in 15 minute sets in between the segments of the live auction part of the evening. I'm excited, especially for our last song, as we bust out Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' bluegrass style.

Other than that, there's not too much to update everyone on. I'm still missing Newark pretty much every day - I'm really excited for what's happening in the Newark Public Schools with that money from Mark Zuckerburg, but honestly, it makes me really nervous that Chris Christie is ultimately in charge of it. It also does really seem to reek of media attention that Mark Zuckerburg is being so extremely philanthropic just as the movie "Social Network" that seems to portray him as, well, as a big dick to put it bluntly. Waaait, you say. So potentially to improve his image, Mark Zuckerburg, 35th richest person in America (at 26!) is giving $100 million to Newark schools?!?! Yup. And honestly, I couldn't care less if he's doing it to make himself look better. Newark schools need money. And having seen this first hand, I don't care if it's money designed to get Mr. Zuckerburg looking better in the media - take it and run, Newark!

I decorated my desk at work with some pictures from the last year - just to make it a little more 'me'. There's Newark City Hall on a beautiful day, me with some of the Bradley Court kids, a night out in New York City, me right after running the Broad Street Run in Philly - all amazing times, and it helps keep me motivated...especially the ones of my Bradley Court kids.

I've got to get better at updating this - with the colder weather, hopefully, I will get better at all this communication stuff...haha...one can only hope!

Love, Bethy

P.S. This morning, we had 12 hours and 3 minutes of light (sunrise to sunset) and since we're losing about 5 and a half minutes a day, tomorrow will officially be the first day of more dark than light. So goodnight world, see you again when I wake up in April!

B

night in the morning

2010-09-20T15:25:00.003-08:00

I walked to work in the dark this morning. Very dark. Like nighttime dark.

...winter is coming.

Sunrise - 8:25am
Sunset - 8:51pm

-Bethy

Slow your roll, AC

2010-09-07T12:25:00.002-08:00

Wow. Who's been to the grocery store lately?

I know that I should expect the prices here to cause bile to rise in my throat. I did just move back from downstates, where prices are lower. I know that. There's an adjustment period that you have to take into account, even though I have a job and am making money. That doesn't mean that I really want to spend it. Especially not on groceries.

But for being gone for just one year, there are some things at AC that I can't believe have gotten that much more expensive. The 20oz bottle of soda that was $2.39 before is now $2.79. That's quite the increase. $.40 in one year? I know that soda didn't increase in price anywhere else downstates...and frankly, it's saved me quite a few bucks because I can't imagine paying almost $3.00 for something that's bad for me anyway. Funnily enough, a gallon of milk has stayed steady at $8.99, but the half gallons have gone from $5.79 to $6.19 (but at least they're not $6.79, like at Swanson's). It's completely outrageous.

Not that I won't buy things. I tried that for about a week...and then caved. There are some things that I didn't get as much of as I wanted in my JV year, and I don't care how much it costs, I WILL get my orange juice!

Ahh, the trials and tribulations of living in rural Alaska...

Love, Bethy

I'm baaaaaack!

2010-08-24T20:51:00.002-08:00

Yes. Back. And posting on this blog again, as I am, once again, bethyinbethel.

The increase in prices at AC will be the discussion in my first actual post, coming soon.

If you missed what I've been doing for the last year, check it all out at my blog about the JV year: www.jerseyjv.blogspot.com.

Fun stuff = coming soon.

Love, Bethy

the last post from the Last Frontier

2009-08-05T12:14:00.003-08:00

I have left Alaska.

So, I guess that this will be the last post on this specific blog. Sure, I'll try to start up another one about my upcoming JV year in Newark, but it doesn't really make sense to keep posting on bethyinbethel.blogspot.com anymore, does it? (The correct answer is no.)

The last month of being in Bethel was probably the best of my life. I was working for about half of it, then I stopped working (officially, I was in the office alot anyway...), then Lisa came home from her Nunivak trip, and things worked out...(for the most part, I mean, nothing works out ALL the time). And I had a blast. I had a birthday, I was in the newspaper a few times, I walked around Bethel and drank coffee and took pictures, and tried to say goodbye. And it was fantastic.

And nothing has been the same since I came back to Washington. I cried the entire flight from Bethel to Anchorage, and as we were touching down, the lady next to me was getting a little nervous with the turbulance on the plane. We got to talking a little bit, and when I told her that I was leaving Bethel, her response was: "Leaving Alaska? Hmmm. I don't know why anyone would ever want to leave Alaska. There's berries...and fish...and moose." Then she laughed. "I'm hungry!"

My only thought was "I don't want to leave Alaska."

When I had been in Washington for a few days, I thought about how, up in Bethel, I often thought of the "real world" as the world outside. And here, all I see is a world obsessed with people, places and things that seem plastic and fake compared to what I had been living, I see that the "real world" exists more fully in Bethel than anywhere else I had ever been.

That isn't to say that I am not excited for next year. As the time here grows short, I find myself unpacking Alaska boxes, and repacking for Jersey. I'm seeing old friends, and that's an entirely different post on how much I changed in the last year, and the struggles with realizing that there are people who I love that I don't have things in common with anymore. It's all been a learning experience. But at the end of the day, at least for now, all I can do is agree with that lady on the plane, and say that I don't know why anyone would want to leave Alaska.

Love, Bethy

PS. A blog about the life of a girl with an Alaskan heart trying to make it as a JV in Newark, NJ coming soon. Hilarity should abound!

The Lime Tree

2009-07-07T09:22:00.005-08:00

I miss my family.
...not specifically the ones that I'm going to see soon. I mostly am just thinking about and missing the ones that I'm not going to see for the first summer in probably 10 or more years. I've been going to Lakewood to see Busia every summer for what feels like forever. Then, when she died, I still went to help clean out the house and everything. I know that I'm going to be on that side of the US soon, but New Jersey isn't anywhere near Lakewood (it'd be kind of like saying that Bethel is close to Homer because it's in the same state. Yes, they are in the same state, but the travel involved is both expensive and takes time).

Mom is there now. Cousin Joe and family went back to do a family memorial for Aunt Eleanor, and I really wish I could have been there. It was hard to be here when she died, but it's almost harder to be here when the rest of the family is able to all be there, all together.

I was listening to some music as I got ready for work, and all of a sudden, I realized that I was crying thinking about Aunt Eleanor and Aunt Mary and even Busia still. I think that I couldn't deal with it all the way over here, and now, in the summer, when I usually would see extended family, not seeing them is really....present in my mind.

I guess it's ironic that this is all happening the day before my birthday...it's all a reminder that we're all getting older, and that it's going to happen sooner or later that the older generation will die. I think it's just hard for me to get closure without seeing things, without participating in the rituals, without being able to share my grief with others who are going through the same thing.

I was listening, and I found some solace - just a little - in this song.

Spark a match and watch the candle burn
the wick runs out and then love takes its turn
on fallen angels and broken sounds
we will last past the final round

It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out

Parallel to the city streets
our broken crowns beneath our feet
but as we walk across the diamonds
we know that love is always shining
So save me love, save me all the time
I'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine
and toast my glass to all my loved ones
to let them know that the stars well they still shine

It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out

It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out

next year's plans

2009-05-16T12:20:00.003-08:00

Wow. Well, here it is. Among many feelings of not wanting to leave Bethel, I have accepted a position with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (http://www.jesuitvolunteers.org) as Community Programs Assistant at the Greater Newark Conservancy (http://www.citybloom.org) in Newark, New Jersey. Yes. New Jersey.

New Jersey.

I maybe thought that the thoughts of "can I even make it in New Jersey/the East Coast at all?" would slowly dissipate with time. This has proved to not be true so much, but I still have all the excitement that I had when I first heard to know that this will be one of the biggest adventures of my life. The fact that I have NO IDEA what it's going to be like is pretty scary/fun to think about too.

Reading wikipedia has not really helped me get any sense of what it's going to be like being a JV in Newark...I spoke with the guy who has my job right now, that that helped a little more, but still, I think that alot of what is going to come in August and September and October...and November (you get the point) is going to be new new NEW, and I'm anticipating a steep learning curve.

I don't have any other information about anyone else in my house yet, and now that's just what's playing on my mind. I hope they're nice, I hope they like me, (I secretly hope they love to play music as much as I do).

It's REALLY hard to think about leaving Bethel, especially with all the nice weather, sun, warm temperatures, summer coming, starting to fish, it's hard. But I know that this is what is best for me right now. This is what I wanted, this is what I've been working up towards, and if I didn't take it, I know that I'd regret it. Major...

...especially since my job seems like so much fun. I'm going to be building gardens, taking care of gardens, taking people on tours of gardens, helping others build gardens, and teach kids about gardens. Basically, getting dirty all the time. Sweet. I love my job here, but it's really wearing sometimes to have so many kids in crisis all the time. I'm really looking forward to having plants in crisis if anything is in crisis. I think I could deal with that. :)

So that's where I'm at. I'm leaving Bethel for Newark, New Jersey next year, where I will be working a sweet sounding job and making no money and living with 4 to 5 other people, who, at this point, I know nothing about. It's a great adventure and I love it!

love, Bethy

P.S. this is the official invitation to anyone on the east coast (or the west coast for that matter, I checked and flights are pretty cheap if you buy them early:) to come visit me/take me out to dinner/help me visit you :D LOVE YOU GUYS!

some scattered thoughts

2009-05-04T05:18:00.004-08:00

Yes, it's early in the morning, and no, I haven't slept. The sickness that I have aquired has kept me awake, coughing, blowing my nose, hacking, more coughing, spitting up phglem, you know, all the good stuff.

Spring is definitely here in Bethel. In the same way that when I left for Bioneers, when I came back fall had turned to winter, when I came back from Folk Fest, winter had turned to spring. I think it just had a lot to do with not being around the changing weather for a few days, and then the change felt very dramatic.

But spring means that the ice is melting, the temp is warming (I wore flip flops yesterday!) and the dust is all over again. All of a sudden, last summer seems like it just happened. Like we just had a six month hiatus from real life covered in ice and snow, and now everything is melting, and we're back to reality again.

The sunlight is also here again - staying light outside until late into the night. It makes it really hard to have any concept of what time it is in the evening, but it's nice for it to still be light outside until 10 or 11pm. I will certainly miss that when I leave...

...and speaking of leaving...I'll know for certain tomorrow (hopefully) and when I do, I'll post a blog. The future. It's scary and exciting at the same time, but when is it not?

Love, Bethy

For everything there is a season...

2009-03-09T09:59:00.003-08:00

My aunt Mary died yesterday. She was older, and sick, and my cousins had just put her in a nursing home the day before. She just went downhill really fast once she got there. I can't make it to the funeral, and more than anything, it hurts to not be able to say goodbye. I want to be there for my family, and I want to be there with my family. I wasn't super close to her, but she's my aunt. She's my family.

I guess all I'm asking for is prayers/good thoughts to be sent across to Baltimore this week. I know that they'd be appreciated by everyone there.

I never knew her as well as I wanted to. It makes it harder that she's gone now and I can't even attempt to correct that. My Dad is the only one in his family now, except for some distant cousins that we don't even have addresses for. It was hard to deal with the relatives that I knew and loved on my Mom's side dying - this is probably worse.

I feel so far away - and so unbelievably helpless.

-Bethy

Oh me oh my oh, look at Miss Ohio

2009-03-07T10:58:00.003-09:00

Miss Ohio is a fantastic Gillian Welch song. As as I'm listening to it, the words are wrapping me up in a blanket of comfort. Each drumbeat mirrors the beating of my own heart, and the fingerpicked guitar strings dance around like the possibilities of the future in my own head. Leave tomorrow to tomorrow, leave 11 days to 11 days, leave discernment weekend to when it comes. It'll come soon enough, but for now, I'm here, and I'm living this life to the fullest. I know I won't be here forever, and I'm grieving a little bit for that already. But I can't waste my time with that now...the time will come.

Oh me oh my oh look at Miss Ohio
She's runnin around with her rag top down
She says I wanna do right, but not right now

I guess that would make more sense to fully explain what's been on my mind for quite a while. In my last post, I talked a little bit about waiting for the phone interview for JVI. JVI has many hundreds of applicants every year, and there's only 25 placements. So, to facilitate with cutting the number down, they have three checkpoints - one is after receiving everyone's application. If they like your application, then you are scheduled for a phone interview. Then they make another cut, and if they still want to talk to you more, they invited you to a discernment weekend in one of 4 locations in the US. There are 80 people invited to discernment weekends, and still only 25 placements. After the weekend, when you've done a personal interview, they decide who would be best for the placements that they have.

Well, after my phone interview I was on pins and needles for a while, until I got the email that they were inviting me on a discernment weekend. So, in 11 days, I'm flying to San Francisco, and that weekend, I'm going to the weekend retreat in Santa Clara. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. I'm feeling...well, I'm feeling everything...I don't know how else to describe it. Two years of service in a foreign country is a big commitment. One that I don't think I ever realized that I would have the chance to take.

It's hard, though, to not be thinking about the future so much that I'm forgetting the present. My time will come...for whatever is coming. Right now, I'm just going to enjoy the weekend.

love, bethy

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-15T21:37:00.002-09:00

I guess it's been two months since I've updated...poor. Life has been pretty crazy busy. A quick update:

I finished Giving Tree as much as I possibly could before boarding a plane home...while I was at home, I called, and heard that all the boxes had gotten off ok, and everyone had a gift up in shelter on Christmas, and it all worked out. Thank goodness.

Home was good - a little different, as we were snowed/iced in to my house for the first three days that we were home, and then it was Christmas, then we took a few day family vacation to the beach, so I tried to see all my friends in 4 days before coming back. It was a little crazy, but definitely amazing to see everyone.

I came back to Bethel and back into a whirlwind of things going on. I had Wizard of Oz rehearsals everyday for 2-4 hours, and my job changed a little bit as soon as I got back. Honey Barbara had three gigs booked, and so were practicing a few times a week, and I barely had time for anything else....

The K300 benefit concert went really well, we played for about 30 minutes in our suspenders, and everyone had a really great time. Then we had the race weekend, which I got really into, kind of surprisingly. I was there for the start, and then Anthony and I kept tabs on all the mushers all weekend, and stayed up, and walked down to the river to see the first 5 guys come in. I was really rooting for Martin Buser, but he came in 2nd. Just 8 minutes behind Mitch Seavey, but it was really fun (though extremely cold) to be out on the river watching them all come in at 2:30 in the morning.

We were double booked for Jan. 20th, as we were going to play the Inaugural Ball and the K300 banquet, so we packed all our instruments in the car, and went from cultural center to Long House, managing to rock both places. Naomi Hooley from Juneau was there at the I Ball, and we played a few songs with her that she plays with her band One Aisle Over. That was pretty amazing.

Anthony left us at the end of January, after an Irish Wake party that I hope fufilled all his hopes and dreams of everything that it would be. At one point, he laid on the kitchen table, and people came up and told a memory that they had of him. There were a few appropriate ones, but most were great roasting stories. It was really fun, and we all wish him well back in California, but I miss him lots.

Then, the next weekend (no rest for the weary) I was off to see the Wizard. The show turned out great (honestly, tons better than I thought it would) and definately Toto stole every show we did. I had some bites and scratches at the end of the run, but nothing a little girl from Kansas couldn't handle. Thanks to Leah for making my hair look great every night, and to Jen, Dez, Alicia, and Colleen for keeping me sane.

...And then I had all this free time...so, I got myself reaquainted with my kitchen, and I haven't been able to pull myself out of it since. I've been making everything, from tamale pie to cakes, to bean dip to Valentine's cookies dipped in chocolate. (I've also gained like 10 pounds...an unfortunate side effect to cooking and eating it.)

Sometime in this mess that was the last two months, I managed to fill out an application for Jesuit Volunteers International, (https://www.jesuitvolunteers.org/default.cfm?PID=1.36.2) and they selected my application to have a phone interview with me. So, that takes place tomorrow at 11am my time, and maybe after that phone call, I'll have a little bit of a better idea what I want to do with my life...probably not, but a girl can wish, yeah?

It's been insane, and hopefully everything will calm down a little bit now that so many of those things are over. But, I know that I'll find other things to fill up my days with...
...so, until next time, I'm (trying to be) keepin' it real...

Love, B

Sausage Saturday

2008-12-14T13:37:00.002-09:00

The end of another weekend...
I made sausage yesterday morning, then went to Saturday market, and stayed at home and watched the Office last night. Low key weekend = probably a change I needed.

I'm leaving for home in 6 days, and as excited as I am, there's a nervousness there too, which I did not expect at all. I miss my friends so bad, but I know that the person that I am when I left Lacey on August 8 is completely transformed. And, just like when I left for college, and came back that first time, yes, I am expecting things to not sit exactly right.

I don't know how I'll react to being home, now that this, at least in part, has become my home. Faster than anywhere else, this is home. It's comforting and terrifying at the same time.

...such is life, eh?

Take her back, Josephine.

2008-12-10T01:58:00.003-09:00

This song just seemed appropriate. It's beautiful, and I think it fits that my Busia's name was Josephine. I'm really going to miss Aunt Eleanor.

Josephine by Brandi Carlile

Take me back Josephine
To that cold and dark December
I am missing someone but I don't know who
Now I'm standing alone and I'm trying to remember
Sometimes I wonder how I ever started loving you

Noontime wind can you blow
For me one more time
And take me on back to the start
Where the midnight moon shines so bright
Nearly pulled us up to Heaven
By the strings of our heart

Take me back Josephine
To that cold and dark December
I am missing someone but I don't know who
Now I'm standing alone and I'm trying to remember
Sometimes I wonder how I ever started loving you

Morning sun shine on me
Come light inside my window
And rest on my brow
Kiss my eyes when I sleep
And carry me back home
If my dreams will allow

Take me back Josephine
To that cold and dark December
I am missing someone but I don't know who
Now I'm standing alone and I'm trying to remember
Sometimes I wonder how I ever started loving you

Take me back Josephine
To that cold and dark December
I am missing someone but I don't know who
Now I'm standing alone and I'm dying to remember
Sometimes I wonder how I ever started loving you
Someone help me understand why I'm still loving you

Aunt Eleanor Falejczyk

2008-12-10T01:16:00.003-09:00

In and amongst all the life going on in my life, and in Bethel, and in the world, there is also death. One of those things you don't think about until it hits you right between the eyes, and forces you to look at it right in the face and think about it.

My great aunt Eleanor (my mom's mom's brother's wife) died last night in a hospital in New York, and I guess that it's not so much that I had a super close relationship to her (though I did see her pretty much every time I went back to visit Busia) as much as the feeling of loss in the family as a whole. She was the only connection I ever felt to my Uncle Frankie, who died when I was 2 or something like that, and who I only can see in pictures. And Aunt Eleanor, the last time I saw her, was still so spunky. That is one thing that I can say for the women in my family, whether related by blood or marriage. We're all pretty spunky. No matter how old we get.

It's hard to be so far away up here, and feel like I can't be there with my family. October was the one year since Busia died, and I couldn't believe it had gone so fast. But at the same time, I miss her so much, and I think about her more often than I ever did before she was sick. It's ironic how someone not being there anymore makes you realize how important they were to you, and how much you may have taken them for granted.

I think it's hard for me also, because for a period of time, after my grandfather died, and before Busia died, there weren't any deaths that I had to deal with. There were about 11 or 12 years where I didn't have to confront death, and then, in the past year and couple months, there have been 3 deaths in my family. I guess you just get out of practice.

If anything else, this just makes me want to go to NY and be with my cousins, and my aunts and uncles, as dysfunctional as we all are. I barely know my cousins on my Mom's side, and I have only met most of the relatives on my Dad's side once. And I don't want to be the estranged family member just because of geography. It's hard enough to lose family, but I think it may even be harder to lose family that you wish you knew better. I wish I had been able to talk to Aunt Eleanor more often. I should have written her more letters. And I wish that I could have listened to more of her stories. I feel like when family members die, a little piece of me dies too. Because we're all the keepers of our history, and there are pieces that we'll never know now.

I know that there is nothing that I can do, but I still feel really poorly about that fact. I know that death comes for everyone at some time, but it still hurts a lot. I hope she didn't suffer. I hope she knew how much she was loved, and I know now that she's somewhere, with Uncle Frankie, and Busia, and Grandpa, and all their friends, looking down and not wanting us to cry. But the tears flow anyway, as they always will.

purposely ambiguous blog

2008-12-01T23:43:00.001-09:00

I wonder why fear scares me so much. I mean, FDR was, right, I think when he said "the only thing to fear is fear itself." But becoming frozen by your fear is crazy. I know it's nuts. And it happens to me anyway. And I'm not sure how to defrost myself.

I know I care, so why do I insist that I do not? And how do I deal with the fact that sometimes I can't even tell what's the lie I'm putting out there because I don't want others to know the truth, and what I really feel. The actor is caught not knowing what is her scripted line, and what is the line from her heart. How can I ever be true to anything, or anyone, if I don't know what my truth is? And who decides what truth is? My truth is different than yours, and yours from everyone else's. The truth that comes from knowing oneself is a dream that slips through my grasping fingers the moment I wake, and only in my dreams can I see who I am, and see myself in harmony with the world.

And at the moment, I feel a little like a dysfunctional salt shaker. One that either sprinkles too little salt or too much, never able to walk the middle line.

I fear change, yet, I fear staying in one place. Falling in love with everywhere, yet, never being satiated. I want to explore, I want to see things, but I will need a place to be home. I'm afraid that I won't ever find that. I won't ever find the one thing I'm looking for most fervently, and all my prayers in the world can't help me if I'm in my own way. But I don't even know if I am. If I knew the reason, I'd fix it. But trying different medications without a proper diagnosis isn't healthy. And maybe neither is this.

The problem is that I won't know until it's too late.

I know in my heart that it's not the end. I have faith that it's just the beginning. But I also have the self-doubt that I'll ever get there.

tofu and other thoughts

2008-11-26T00:00:00.000-09:00

I just had tofu for the first time since I moved from home. Wow. Tofu and a good conversation. It kind of blew my socks off how much I missed it. (I mean, I get good conversation here pretty regularly, but definitely not tofu.)

So I've been thinking quite a lot about what next year means in terms of where I'm going to be living and what I'm going to be doing. I am going to be applying to Jesuit Volunteers International (working on the application now) but I also know that many people apply to JVI every year, and many don't get in.
I also know that Bethel is a place that even if I leave, I won't ever be able to forget. Maybe it's because of the people I've met here, maybe it's the awesome beauty of the tundra, maybe it's the work I'm doing, but there is something about it here that makes it hard to think about leaving.
I've been trying to open myself up to all the options, but, in the way that I always manage to do, I get all fucked up over everything. Is it worth the fear of leaving to go? Or is it worth the fear of everyone else leaving to stay?
Though I don't consider this any final decision at all, this song by Slaid Cleaves really spoke to me. I figure when things like this jump out at me, it's probably worth it to listen to what they're saying, right?

One Good Year

It's New Year's Day
Just like the day before
Same old skies of grey
Same empty bottles on the floor
Another year gone by
And I'm thinking once again
How can I take this losing hand
And somehow win

Just give me one good year
To get my feet back on the ground
I've been chasing grace
But grace ain't so easily found
One bad hand can devil a man
Chase him and carry him down
I gotta get out of here
Just give me one good year

I'm burning oil
Engine's running rough
I drive from job to job
But it's never enough
I can't find the will
To just up and get away
Some kind of chains holding me down
To make me stay.

Just give me one good year.....

It's a bitter wind
In your face every day
It's the little sins
That wear your soul away
When you start giving in
Where do the promises all go
Will your darkest hour
Write a blank check on your soul

Just give me one good year
To get my feet back on the ground
I've been chasing grace
But grace ain't so easily found
One bad hand can devil a man
A good one can turn him around
I gotta get out of here

Just give me one good year
I gotta get out of here
Just give me one good year

record

2008-11-23T11:57:00.000-09:00

Record Report
Statement as of 9:28 am EST on November 23, 2008

Record event report: National Weather Service Bethel AK 5:30 am akst Sun. Nov 23 2008... New low temperature record set for the 23rd... at 4:22 am akst the temperature reached 26 degrees below zero.This breaks the record of 21 below set November 23 1988.

The crazy part is that ambient temperature of -26 doesn't mean much when there's a 20 mph wind blowing across town. That's when the temperature is really -46. Wow.

It's getting colder.

2008-11-18T10:23:00.000-09:00

I'm sitting in my living room, drinking chai tea and dreading - not going to work exactly, but the walk to work... It's currently around 3 degrees ambient, but the wind is blowing, and with windchill, it's around -20. Say you don't believe me? Proof.

Current Conditions

Bethel, Alaska (Airport) Updated: 1 hr 32 min 46 sec ago
-3 °F / -19 °C
Scattered Clouds
Windchill: -21 °F / -29 °C
Humidity: 82%
Dew Point: -7 °F / -22 °C
Wind: 12 mph / 18 km/h / 5.1 m/s from the NNW
Visibility: 10.0 miles / 16.1 kilometers
Snow Depth: 10.0 in / 25.40 cm

...now that's cold. But it's also only November. And I know it's going to get colder.

I'm in charge of this big project for Christmas/holiday time at work, and it's kind of stressing me out. Not because I think I can't do it, but because it's one of those things that happen every year, and a new person does it every year, and so I've got 16 other people's work to live up to. Ugh. And I really really really miss home. And SF. I mean, it's good here, but I think I've got a little Alaska-style cabin fever. (Not so hard when there's been snow outside and it's been cold for a month and a half.) I know that I'm just not used to it, and it's just a very new experience to feel so isolated, and so stuck. I think maybe even just getting into Anchorage at this point would be good, but I'm not scheduled to go anywhere (anywhere urban at least, village travel happens every once and a while) until I go home, but that seems so far away right now. Yes, even though I know that it's only going to be a month and a couple of days...

Ahh...a month and a couple of days...that sounds so amazing. And I'll be home for two weeks and I'll be able to drive on real roads, and go to a movie, and ...the possibilities are endless. And that's another thing: NEVER AGAIN will I complain that there is nothing to do in Lacey. You think it's lame? Really? Move to Bethel, and then tell me how lame it is. You have SO MANY OPTIONS! (Yes! Even if one of them is just hanging out at Denny's all night...)

Alright, one more topic of conversation before I have some breakfast and get ready for work. (I'm not just lazy, on Tuesdays, I work from 1:00-9:00pm because I have evening childcare for the group that happens for the women in the shelter.) I was convinced that coming up here, I was going to blow up like someone had taken a tire pump to me. That's all I'd heard, that everyone gains weight like CRAZY, especially once the snow starts (makes sense...when your body gets this cold, it starts storing everything it can...) Had a bit of a rocky start, gaining some weight when I first got here, but, I'm happy to say that I'm not completely miserable about the state of my weight. And yes, maybe I'm just being a stupid girl about it, but I don't care. On the other hand, I've lost all muscle tone in my body whatsoever, so there you go. I really need to work out when I'm home for Christmas.

So, Obama won the election. (Yay!) I think that I knew it was going to happen. I was counting on America with a strange optimism, and, for the first time in what feels like forever, I'm really fuckin' proud of my country. And then Christine Gregoire won, and most of the local WA elections that I was looking at went the way I wanted them to...
...and then Prop 8 passed. And I really couldn't believe it. It was like a sock in the stomach, and I kind of felt sick for a while. And I know that you can't always get everything you want, but...if I could have done anything...it sucks. And yet, we're on our way to something better, and I believe that America is going to be forced to look at issues that we've enjoyed avoiding for years. And on Nov. 4th, as I was sitting in a friend's living room with a bunch of other liberal 20 to 30 somethings, it occured to me that maybe, just maybe starting now, we have stopped being spectators, and starting being citizens again. And that was really exciting.

So that's where I'm at. Mostly just the same person, with some expanded musical tastes and skills, a job where I'm forced to confront the most traumatizing things that have ever happened to other people every day, lots of Franzia box wine (cause it's cheap, easy to transport, and mostly just tastes like juice), and a realization that there is nowhere else in America quite like Bethel.

Everyone should check out the song "A Change Is Gonna Come" by Ben Sollee. Besides having a wicked cello part at the beginning, it's a pretty amazing song. He called it. It did come and will come... (oohh....I do believe that that's what she said:)

Love, Bethy

Kids in the villages

2008-10-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

So much in so little time...
...well, ok, yes, it has been almost two months since my last blog. Things just seem to get in the way - life gets in the way.
I've now been to three other villages besides Tuluksak. Akiak, Akiachak, and Kotlik (which is by the Bering Sea, and on the Yukon River instead of the Kuskokwim.) Going to the villages is always so fun, but so exhausting. In Kotlik, I presented the TAT and bullying curriculums to seven classes in one day. Seven! That's a lot of talking about touching! And I always meet kids who touch my heart in villages. Kids who want to know everything about you, and follow you around, and say heart wrenching things like "I'll never forget you" or "Can you come live with me and stay forever?" And then you hate to look into their doe eyes and say "no, I have to go back to Bethel." Yeah.
I'll write more later. I have so much to do, and it's busy busy busy all the time. Crazy.

-B

Tuluksak, here I come!

2008-09-02T20:34:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I've updated, and I'm sorry for that. Life here is pretty busy, especially since it's summer, and it's been nice outside.

One of the prime things to do when it's nice weather is to go berry picking out on the tundra. The berries are tiny blueberries that are about half to a third of the size of blueberries downstates (that would be in the lower 48. They call it "downstates" here...) but they have the flavor of a handfull of regular blueberries, and apparently, they have some insanely huge amount of antioxidants too. It's something about the cold weather that makes them grow differently.

And speaking of the cold... :) No, I'm not freezing yet. It's gotten colder in the last week though...one day I walked to work at 8:45, and it was 39 degrees outside. But a 15 minute brisk walk warms you right up, and it's heated in every building here if it's cold. And in the last couple of days, it's heated up again, and now it's 50 to 55 during the day.

I've been kept busy, very busy with getting trained for my job, which is pretty damn intense, but somehow, fun at the same time. I work with amazing people, and we're all just people who care about other people, and want to do our best to get them out of dangerous situations, and help them aquire the skills they need to continue on without our help. Yes, sometimes it's really frustrating, and sometimes it's a little scary, and alot of the time it's just plain emotionally draining. But cuddling those little Yup'ik kids, and knowing that they don't get that kind of affection on a regular basis, and working with their mothers, and thinking that even just one change could save someone's life, or prevent sexual assault.... It's a really incredible feeling. It's like if I'm helping one person, that's enough reason for me to be doing this job.

I'm traveling to Tuluksak tomorrow for work. Tuluksak is a village on the Kuskokwim River (the same river Bethel is on) upriver. Since this part of Alaska isn't on the road system, we're boating up there. It's an hour and a half boat ride, and then we're going to be doing presentations in the school all day. The younger kids get a presentation about safe and unsafe touch, and the older kids get a presentation about bullying. We'll also do one about the effects of domestic violence on kids for the teachers in the school. I'm excited because this is my first village.

In completely unrelated news, I'm in a band. We practice a couple times a week, we jam at the community center, and in people's houses. I'm learning how to play the guitar, and the mandolin, and learning how to bluegrass fiddle on my violin, and I'm having a blast.

I have more to say, but it'll have to wait. I'm going to post pictures on facebook SOON!

-Bethy

I'm employed! ...

2008-08-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

...so clearly, somebody thought I had some skills.

More specifically, that would be an organization called the Tundra Women's Coalition, a domestic violence/sexual assualt shelter. I'm going to be working part of my time with the Children's Program (doing after school work with them, one on ones with kids, writing skits and working with teens to perform them about teen dating violence, and much much more), and part of the time with the Children's Advocacy Center, which is a center specifically for children and their families when there has been a suspician of child sexual abuse. For them, I'm going to be working with the children, and especially the families. Plus, there are a bunch of other side projects that I'm going to be picking up here and there...

I'm super excited. A little intimidated, yes, but excited.

...Figures that I'd get a social-justicy job like that, huh? :)
(and yes, they are paying me...quite well...um, well, alright, considering that a gallon of milk is $9.49 at the grocery store, and that price rises as the winter comes.)

-b

How to reach me/Where to find me

2008-08-13T11:35:00.001-08:00

Helloooooooo!

For all of y'all a-wanting to contact me, here's how you do it.

PO Box 546
Bethel, AK 99559

(907) 543-0427

marybeth.whalen@gmail.com

Day 2

2008-08-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

Day 2

and it's SUNNY and HOT!
Did I sign up for Alaska, or did I sign up for Mexico?!?! Well, ok, maybe it's not exactly that hot...but it is warm T-shirt/sleeveless weather, at least in the sun. It's a good transition, too, because it's good to be able to wear some of the shirts I brought without having to cover up with a sweater (and a parka).

I am slowly figuring out the town, it's a little confusing at first, even though it essentially just goes in a big circle, it's big enough to get lost, which is, incidentially, something that I did NOT do, even when I found that I had lost my sister at church this morning, and I made it back home myself.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm staying. I know I'm here, and it's a way cool experience, but it's still very surreal that I'm not going to be leaving....it's like I have to strike out. I have some friends here, but I have to make my own too, and I feel like maybe it's even harder to do that because Lisa's here, so it's easier to just stick with her. But I'll go do it...it's just really more intimidating to do than it is to say.

I miss everyone, but things are so new and exciting, and it's nuts....

LOVE, Bethy

...and I'm only at the airport.

2008-08-09T03:12:00.000-08:00

It's 3:29 am Alaska time.
I'm at the Anchorage airport using the unexpected free wireless, sitting at the gate that my flight to Bethel will depart from in another 4 hours.
I'm exuasted.
But we're right next to a 24 hour Starbucks, and judge me if you will, but I took advantage of good coffee before it may be gone forever.

I'm a little nervous, but that didn't keep me from noticing that most of the people sitting here at the Bethel gate with me are men. Wait, scratch that. I'm the only one sitting. The other people waiting for the morning jet are doing what normal people do at 3 in the morning...they're sleeping. But they're mostly guys...and yes, in the grand tradition of me being me, I have already checked out most of them.
...and, yes...most of them are pretty cute.

Oh man...on the make again. Scratch "again"...on the make still.

I'm listening to Blue Scholars...
"We're broke but not broken, cold but not frozen, lost but not forgotten, we kickin' the doors open."
PERFECT.

Love, Bethy