I have left Alaska.
So, I guess that this will be the last post on this specific blog. Sure, I'll try to start up another one about my upcoming JV year in Newark, but it doesn't really make sense to keep posting on bethyinbethel.blogspot.com anymore, does it? (The correct answer is no.)
The last month of being in Bethel was probably the best of my life. I was working for about half of it, then I stopped working (officially, I was in the office alot anyway...), then Lisa came home from her Nunivak trip, and things worked out...(for the most part, I mean, nothing works out ALL the time). And I had a blast. I had a birthday, I was in the newspaper a few times, I walked around Bethel and drank coffee and took pictures, and tried to say goodbye. And it was fantastic.
And nothing has been the same since I came back to Washington. I cried the entire flight from Bethel to Anchorage, and as we were touching down, the lady next to me was getting a little nervous with the turbulance on the plane. We got to talking a little bit, and when I told her that I was leaving Bethel, her response was: "Leaving Alaska? Hmmm. I don't know why anyone would ever want to leave Alaska. There's berries...and fish...and moose." Then she laughed. "I'm hungry!"
My only thought was "I don't want to leave Alaska."
When I had been in Washington for a few days, I thought about how, up in Bethel, I often thought of the "real world" as the world outside. And here, all I see is a world obsessed with people, places and things that seem plastic and fake compared to what I had been living, I see that the "real world" exists more fully in Bethel than anywhere else I had ever been.
That isn't to say that I am not excited for next year. As the time here grows short, I find myself unpacking Alaska boxes, and repacking for Jersey. I'm seeing old friends, and that's an entirely different post on how much I changed in the last year, and the struggles with realizing that there are people who I love that I don't have things in common with anymore. It's all been a learning experience. But at the end of the day, at least for now, all I can do is agree with that lady on the plane, and say that I don't know why anyone would want to leave Alaska.
Love, Bethy
PS. A blog about the life of a girl with an Alaskan heart trying to make it as a JV in Newark, NJ coming soon. Hilarity should abound!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Lime Tree
I miss my family.
...not specifically the ones that I'm going to see soon. I mostly am just thinking about and missing the ones that I'm not going to see for the first summer in probably 10 or more years. I've been going to Lakewood to see Busia every summer for what feels like forever. Then, when she died, I still went to help clean out the house and everything. I know that I'm going to be on that side of the US soon, but New Jersey isn't anywhere near Lakewood (it'd be kind of like saying that Bethel is close to Homer because it's in the same state. Yes, they are in the same state, but the travel involved is both expensive and takes time).
Mom is there now. Cousin Joe and family went back to do a family memorial for Aunt Eleanor, and I really wish I could have been there. It was hard to be here when she died, but it's almost harder to be here when the rest of the family is able to all be there, all together.
I was listening to some music as I got ready for work, and all of a sudden, I realized that I was crying thinking about Aunt Eleanor and Aunt Mary and even Busia still. I think that I couldn't deal with it all the way over here, and now, in the summer, when I usually would see extended family, not seeing them is really....present in my mind.
I guess it's ironic that this is all happening the day before my birthday...it's all a reminder that we're all getting older, and that it's going to happen sooner or later that the older generation will die. I think it's just hard for me to get closure without seeing things, without participating in the rituals, without being able to share my grief with others who are going through the same thing.
I was listening, and I found some solace - just a little - in this song.
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
...not specifically the ones that I'm going to see soon. I mostly am just thinking about and missing the ones that I'm not going to see for the first summer in probably 10 or more years. I've been going to Lakewood to see Busia every summer for what feels like forever. Then, when she died, I still went to help clean out the house and everything. I know that I'm going to be on that side of the US soon, but New Jersey isn't anywhere near Lakewood (it'd be kind of like saying that Bethel is close to Homer because it's in the same state. Yes, they are in the same state, but the travel involved is both expensive and takes time).
Mom is there now. Cousin Joe and family went back to do a family memorial for Aunt Eleanor, and I really wish I could have been there. It was hard to be here when she died, but it's almost harder to be here when the rest of the family is able to all be there, all together.
I was listening to some music as I got ready for work, and all of a sudden, I realized that I was crying thinking about Aunt Eleanor and Aunt Mary and even Busia still. I think that I couldn't deal with it all the way over here, and now, in the summer, when I usually would see extended family, not seeing them is really....present in my mind.
I guess it's ironic that this is all happening the day before my birthday...it's all a reminder that we're all getting older, and that it's going to happen sooner or later that the older generation will die. I think it's just hard for me to get closure without seeing things, without participating in the rituals, without being able to share my grief with others who are going through the same thing.
I was listening, and I found some solace - just a little - in this song.
Spark a match and watch the candle burn
the wick runs out and then love takes its turn
on fallen angels and broken sounds
we will last past the final round
It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
Parallel to the city streets
our broken crowns beneath our feet
but as we walk across the diamonds
we know that love is always shining
So save me love, save me all the time
I'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine
and toast my glass to all my loved ones
to let them know that the stars well they still shine
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
It took a while for you to find me
but I was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
Saturday, May 16, 2009
next year's plans
Wow. Well, here it is. Among many feelings of not wanting to leave Bethel, I have accepted a position with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (http://www.jesuitvolunteers.org) as Community Programs Assistant at the Greater Newark Conservancy (http://www.citybloom.org) in Newark, New Jersey. Yes. New Jersey.
New Jersey.
I maybe thought that the thoughts of "can I even make it in New Jersey/the East Coast at all?" would slowly dissipate with time. This has proved to not be true so much, but I still have all the excitement that I had when I first heard to know that this will be one of the biggest adventures of my life. The fact that I have NO IDEA what it's going to be like is pretty scary/fun to think about too.
Reading wikipedia has not really helped me get any sense of what it's going to be like being a JV in Newark...I spoke with the guy who has my job right now, that that helped a little more, but still, I think that alot of what is going to come in August and September and October...and November (you get the point) is going to be new new NEW, and I'm anticipating a steep learning curve.
I don't have any other information about anyone else in my house yet, and now that's just what's playing on my mind. I hope they're nice, I hope they like me, (I secretly hope they love to play music as much as I do).
It's REALLY hard to think about leaving Bethel, especially with all the nice weather, sun, warm temperatures, summer coming, starting to fish, it's hard. But I know that this is what is best for me right now. This is what I wanted, this is what I've been working up towards, and if I didn't take it, I know that I'd regret it. Major...
...especially since my job seems like so much fun. I'm going to be building gardens, taking care of gardens, taking people on tours of gardens, helping others build gardens, and teach kids about gardens. Basically, getting dirty all the time. Sweet. I love my job here, but it's really wearing sometimes to have so many kids in crisis all the time. I'm really looking forward to having plants in crisis if anything is in crisis. I think I could deal with that. :)
So that's where I'm at. I'm leaving Bethel for Newark, New Jersey next year, where I will be working a sweet sounding job and making no money and living with 4 to 5 other people, who, at this point, I know nothing about. It's a great adventure and I love it!
love, Bethy
P.S. this is the official invitation to anyone on the east coast (or the west coast for that matter, I checked and flights are pretty cheap if you buy them early:) to come visit me/take me out to dinner/help me visit you :D LOVE YOU GUYS!
New Jersey.
I maybe thought that the thoughts of "can I even make it in New Jersey/the East Coast at all?" would slowly dissipate with time. This has proved to not be true so much, but I still have all the excitement that I had when I first heard to know that this will be one of the biggest adventures of my life. The fact that I have NO IDEA what it's going to be like is pretty scary/fun to think about too.
Reading wikipedia has not really helped me get any sense of what it's going to be like being a JV in Newark...I spoke with the guy who has my job right now, that that helped a little more, but still, I think that alot of what is going to come in August and September and October...and November (you get the point) is going to be new new NEW, and I'm anticipating a steep learning curve.
I don't have any other information about anyone else in my house yet, and now that's just what's playing on my mind. I hope they're nice, I hope they like me, (I secretly hope they love to play music as much as I do).
It's REALLY hard to think about leaving Bethel, especially with all the nice weather, sun, warm temperatures, summer coming, starting to fish, it's hard. But I know that this is what is best for me right now. This is what I wanted, this is what I've been working up towards, and if I didn't take it, I know that I'd regret it. Major...
...especially since my job seems like so much fun. I'm going to be building gardens, taking care of gardens, taking people on tours of gardens, helping others build gardens, and teach kids about gardens. Basically, getting dirty all the time. Sweet. I love my job here, but it's really wearing sometimes to have so many kids in crisis all the time. I'm really looking forward to having plants in crisis if anything is in crisis. I think I could deal with that. :)
So that's where I'm at. I'm leaving Bethel for Newark, New Jersey next year, where I will be working a sweet sounding job and making no money and living with 4 to 5 other people, who, at this point, I know nothing about. It's a great adventure and I love it!
love, Bethy
P.S. this is the official invitation to anyone on the east coast (or the west coast for that matter, I checked and flights are pretty cheap if you buy them early:) to come visit me/take me out to dinner/help me visit you :D LOVE YOU GUYS!
Monday, May 4, 2009
some scattered thoughts
Yes, it's early in the morning, and no, I haven't slept. The sickness that I have aquired has kept me awake, coughing, blowing my nose, hacking, more coughing, spitting up phglem, you know, all the good stuff.
Spring is definitely here in Bethel. In the same way that when I left for Bioneers, when I came back fall had turned to winter, when I came back from Folk Fest, winter had turned to spring. I think it just had a lot to do with not being around the changing weather for a few days, and then the change felt very dramatic.
But spring means that the ice is melting, the temp is warming (I wore flip flops yesterday!) and the dust is all over again. All of a sudden, last summer seems like it just happened. Like we just had a six month hiatus from real life covered in ice and snow, and now everything is melting, and we're back to reality again.
The sunlight is also here again - staying light outside until late into the night. It makes it really hard to have any concept of what time it is in the evening, but it's nice for it to still be light outside until 10 or 11pm. I will certainly miss that when I leave...
...and speaking of leaving...I'll know for certain tomorrow (hopefully) and when I do, I'll post a blog. The future. It's scary and exciting at the same time, but when is it not?
Love, Bethy
Spring is definitely here in Bethel. In the same way that when I left for Bioneers, when I came back fall had turned to winter, when I came back from Folk Fest, winter had turned to spring. I think it just had a lot to do with not being around the changing weather for a few days, and then the change felt very dramatic.
But spring means that the ice is melting, the temp is warming (I wore flip flops yesterday!) and the dust is all over again. All of a sudden, last summer seems like it just happened. Like we just had a six month hiatus from real life covered in ice and snow, and now everything is melting, and we're back to reality again.
The sunlight is also here again - staying light outside until late into the night. It makes it really hard to have any concept of what time it is in the evening, but it's nice for it to still be light outside until 10 or 11pm. I will certainly miss that when I leave...
...and speaking of leaving...I'll know for certain tomorrow (hopefully) and when I do, I'll post a blog. The future. It's scary and exciting at the same time, but when is it not?
Love, Bethy
Monday, March 9, 2009
For everything there is a season...
My aunt Mary died yesterday. She was older, and sick, and my cousins had just put her in a nursing home the day before. She just went downhill really fast once she got there. I can't make it to the funeral, and more than anything, it hurts to not be able to say goodbye. I want to be there for my family, and I want to be there with my family. I wasn't super close to her, but she's my aunt. She's my family.
I guess all I'm asking for is prayers/good thoughts to be sent across to Baltimore this week. I know that they'd be appreciated by everyone there.
I never knew her as well as I wanted to. It makes it harder that she's gone now and I can't even attempt to correct that. My Dad is the only one in his family now, except for some distant cousins that we don't even have addresses for. It was hard to deal with the relatives that I knew and loved on my Mom's side dying - this is probably worse.
I feel so far away - and so unbelievably helpless.
-Bethy
I guess all I'm asking for is prayers/good thoughts to be sent across to Baltimore this week. I know that they'd be appreciated by everyone there.
I never knew her as well as I wanted to. It makes it harder that she's gone now and I can't even attempt to correct that. My Dad is the only one in his family now, except for some distant cousins that we don't even have addresses for. It was hard to deal with the relatives that I knew and loved on my Mom's side dying - this is probably worse.
I feel so far away - and so unbelievably helpless.
-Bethy
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Oh me oh my oh, look at Miss Ohio
Miss Ohio is a fantastic Gillian Welch song. As as I'm listening to it, the words are wrapping me up in a blanket of comfort. Each drumbeat mirrors the beating of my own heart, and the fingerpicked guitar strings dance around like the possibilities of the future in my own head. Leave tomorrow to tomorrow, leave 11 days to 11 days, leave discernment weekend to when it comes. It'll come soon enough, but for now, I'm here, and I'm living this life to the fullest. I know I won't be here forever, and I'm grieving a little bit for that already. But I can't waste my time with that now...the time will come.
Oh me oh my oh look at Miss Ohio
She's runnin around with her rag top down
She says I wanna do right, but not right now
I guess that would make more sense to fully explain what's been on my mind for quite a while. In my last post, I talked a little bit about waiting for the phone interview for JVI. JVI has many hundreds of applicants every year, and there's only 25 placements. So, to facilitate with cutting the number down, they have three checkpoints - one is after receiving everyone's application. If they like your application, then you are scheduled for a phone interview. Then they make another cut, and if they still want to talk to you more, they invited you to a discernment weekend in one of 4 locations in the US. There are 80 people invited to discernment weekends, and still only 25 placements. After the weekend, when you've done a personal interview, they decide who would be best for the placements that they have.
Well, after my phone interview I was on pins and needles for a while, until I got the email that they were inviting me on a discernment weekend. So, in 11 days, I'm flying to San Francisco, and that weekend, I'm going to the weekend retreat in Santa Clara. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. I'm feeling...well, I'm feeling everything...I don't know how else to describe it. Two years of service in a foreign country is a big commitment. One that I don't think I ever realized that I would have the chance to take.
It's hard, though, to not be thinking about the future so much that I'm forgetting the present. My time will come...for whatever is coming. Right now, I'm just going to enjoy the weekend.
love, bethy
Oh me oh my oh look at Miss Ohio
She's runnin around with her rag top down
She says I wanna do right, but not right now
I guess that would make more sense to fully explain what's been on my mind for quite a while. In my last post, I talked a little bit about waiting for the phone interview for JVI. JVI has many hundreds of applicants every year, and there's only 25 placements. So, to facilitate with cutting the number down, they have three checkpoints - one is after receiving everyone's application. If they like your application, then you are scheduled for a phone interview. Then they make another cut, and if they still want to talk to you more, they invited you to a discernment weekend in one of 4 locations in the US. There are 80 people invited to discernment weekends, and still only 25 placements. After the weekend, when you've done a personal interview, they decide who would be best for the placements that they have.
Well, after my phone interview I was on pins and needles for a while, until I got the email that they were inviting me on a discernment weekend. So, in 11 days, I'm flying to San Francisco, and that weekend, I'm going to the weekend retreat in Santa Clara. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. I'm feeling...well, I'm feeling everything...I don't know how else to describe it. Two years of service in a foreign country is a big commitment. One that I don't think I ever realized that I would have the chance to take.
It's hard, though, to not be thinking about the future so much that I'm forgetting the present. My time will come...for whatever is coming. Right now, I'm just going to enjoy the weekend.
love, bethy
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day!
I guess it's been two months since I've updated...poor. Life has been pretty crazy busy. A quick update:
I finished Giving Tree as much as I possibly could before boarding a plane home...while I was at home, I called, and heard that all the boxes had gotten off ok, and everyone had a gift up in shelter on Christmas, and it all worked out. Thank goodness.
Home was good - a little different, as we were snowed/iced in to my house for the first three days that we were home, and then it was Christmas, then we took a few day family vacation to the beach, so I tried to see all my friends in 4 days before coming back. It was a little crazy, but definitely amazing to see everyone.
I came back to Bethel and back into a whirlwind of things going on. I had Wizard of Oz rehearsals everyday for 2-4 hours, and my job changed a little bit as soon as I got back. Honey Barbara had three gigs booked, and so were practicing a few times a week, and I barely had time for anything else....
The K300 benefit concert went really well, we played for about 30 minutes in our suspenders, and everyone had a really great time. Then we had the race weekend, which I got really into, kind of surprisingly. I was there for the start, and then Anthony and I kept tabs on all the mushers all weekend, and stayed up, and walked down to the river to see the first 5 guys come in. I was really rooting for Martin Buser, but he came in 2nd. Just 8 minutes behind Mitch Seavey, but it was really fun (though extremely cold) to be out on the river watching them all come in at 2:30 in the morning.
We were double booked for Jan. 20th, as we were going to play the Inaugural Ball and the K300 banquet, so we packed all our instruments in the car, and went from cultural center to Long House, managing to rock both places. Naomi Hooley from Juneau was there at the I Ball, and we played a few songs with her that she plays with her band One Aisle Over. That was pretty amazing.
Anthony left us at the end of January, after an Irish Wake party that I hope fufilled all his hopes and dreams of everything that it would be. At one point, he laid on the kitchen table, and people came up and told a memory that they had of him. There were a few appropriate ones, but most were great roasting stories. It was really fun, and we all wish him well back in California, but I miss him lots.
Then, the next weekend (no rest for the weary) I was off to see the Wizard. The show turned out great (honestly, tons better than I thought it would) and definately Toto stole every show we did. I had some bites and scratches at the end of the run, but nothing a little girl from Kansas couldn't handle. Thanks to Leah for making my hair look great every night, and to Jen, Dez, Alicia, and Colleen for keeping me sane.
...And then I had all this free time...so, I got myself reaquainted with my kitchen, and I haven't been able to pull myself out of it since. I've been making everything, from tamale pie to cakes, to bean dip to Valentine's cookies dipped in chocolate. (I've also gained like 10 pounds...an unfortunate side effect to cooking and eating it.)
Sometime in this mess that was the last two months, I managed to fill out an application for Jesuit Volunteers International, (https://www.jesuitvolunteers.org/default.cfm?PID=1.36.2) and they selected my application to have a phone interview with me. So, that takes place tomorrow at 11am my time, and maybe after that phone call, I'll have a little bit of a better idea what I want to do with my life...probably not, but a girl can wish, yeah?
It's been insane, and hopefully everything will calm down a little bit now that so many of those things are over. But, I know that I'll find other things to fill up my days with...
...so, until next time, I'm (trying to be) keepin' it real...
Love, B
I finished Giving Tree as much as I possibly could before boarding a plane home...while I was at home, I called, and heard that all the boxes had gotten off ok, and everyone had a gift up in shelter on Christmas, and it all worked out. Thank goodness.
Home was good - a little different, as we were snowed/iced in to my house for the first three days that we were home, and then it was Christmas, then we took a few day family vacation to the beach, so I tried to see all my friends in 4 days before coming back. It was a little crazy, but definitely amazing to see everyone.
I came back to Bethel and back into a whirlwind of things going on. I had Wizard of Oz rehearsals everyday for 2-4 hours, and my job changed a little bit as soon as I got back. Honey Barbara had three gigs booked, and so were practicing a few times a week, and I barely had time for anything else....
The K300 benefit concert went really well, we played for about 30 minutes in our suspenders, and everyone had a really great time. Then we had the race weekend, which I got really into, kind of surprisingly. I was there for the start, and then Anthony and I kept tabs on all the mushers all weekend, and stayed up, and walked down to the river to see the first 5 guys come in. I was really rooting for Martin Buser, but he came in 2nd. Just 8 minutes behind Mitch Seavey, but it was really fun (though extremely cold) to be out on the river watching them all come in at 2:30 in the morning.
We were double booked for Jan. 20th, as we were going to play the Inaugural Ball and the K300 banquet, so we packed all our instruments in the car, and went from cultural center to Long House, managing to rock both places. Naomi Hooley from Juneau was there at the I Ball, and we played a few songs with her that she plays with her band One Aisle Over. That was pretty amazing.
Anthony left us at the end of January, after an Irish Wake party that I hope fufilled all his hopes and dreams of everything that it would be. At one point, he laid on the kitchen table, and people came up and told a memory that they had of him. There were a few appropriate ones, but most were great roasting stories. It was really fun, and we all wish him well back in California, but I miss him lots.
Then, the next weekend (no rest for the weary) I was off to see the Wizard. The show turned out great (honestly, tons better than I thought it would) and definately Toto stole every show we did. I had some bites and scratches at the end of the run, but nothing a little girl from Kansas couldn't handle. Thanks to Leah for making my hair look great every night, and to Jen, Dez, Alicia, and Colleen for keeping me sane.
...And then I had all this free time...so, I got myself reaquainted with my kitchen, and I haven't been able to pull myself out of it since. I've been making everything, from tamale pie to cakes, to bean dip to Valentine's cookies dipped in chocolate. (I've also gained like 10 pounds...an unfortunate side effect to cooking and eating it.)
Sometime in this mess that was the last two months, I managed to fill out an application for Jesuit Volunteers International, (https://www.jesuitvolunteers.org/default.cfm?PID=1.36.2) and they selected my application to have a phone interview with me. So, that takes place tomorrow at 11am my time, and maybe after that phone call, I'll have a little bit of a better idea what I want to do with my life...probably not, but a girl can wish, yeah?
It's been insane, and hopefully everything will calm down a little bit now that so many of those things are over. But, I know that I'll find other things to fill up my days with...
...so, until next time, I'm (trying to be) keepin' it real...
Love, B
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