tofu and other thoughts

I just had tofu for the first time since I moved from home. Wow. Tofu and a good conversation. It kind of blew my socks off how much I missed it. (I mean, I get good conversation here pretty regularly, but definitely not tofu.)

So I've been thinking quite a lot about what next year means in terms of where I'm going to be living and what I'm going to be doing. I am going to be applying to Jesuit Volunteers International (working on the application now) but I also know that many people apply to JVI every year, and many don't get in.
I also know that Bethel is a place that even if I leave, I won't ever be able to forget. Maybe it's because of the people I've met here, maybe it's the awesome beauty of the tundra, maybe it's the work I'm doing, but there is something about it here that makes it hard to think about leaving.
I've been trying to open myself up to all the options, but, in the way that I always manage to do, I get all fucked up over everything. Is it worth the fear of leaving to go? Or is it worth the fear of everyone else leaving to stay?
Though I don't consider this any final decision at all, this song by Slaid Cleaves really spoke to me. I figure when things like this jump out at me, it's probably worth it to listen to what they're saying, right?

One Good Year

It's New Year's Day
Just like the day before
Same old skies of grey
Same empty bottles on the floor
Another year gone by
And I'm thinking once again
How can I take this losing hand
And somehow win

Just give me one good year
To get my feet back on the ground
I've been chasing grace
But grace ain't so easily found
One bad hand can devil a man
Chase him and carry him down
I gotta get out of here
Just give me one good year

I'm burning oil
Engine's running rough
I drive from job to job
But it's never enough
I can't find the will
To just up and get away
Some kind of chains holding me down
To make me stay.

Just give me one good year.....

It's a bitter wind
In your face every day
It's the little sins
That wear your soul away
When you start giving in
Where do the promises all go
Will your darkest hour
Write a blank check on your soul

Just give me one good year
To get my feet back on the ground
I've been chasing grace
But grace ain't so easily found
One bad hand can devil a man
A good one can turn him around
I gotta get out of here

Just give me one good year
I gotta get out of here
Just give me one good year